


The Beginning is Pain

by ArchOfImagine



Series: The Middle is a Sacrifice [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Tony Stark, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky is an emotional masochist, Former Soldier Bucky Barnes, Gay Bucky Barnes, M/M, Minor Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Prequel, Security Guard!Bucky Barnes, So much angst, Unhappy Ending (for now)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-11
Updated: 2019-11-11
Packaged: 2021-01-27 19:43:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21397639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArchOfImagine/pseuds/ArchOfImagine
Summary: Ex-soldier Bucky Barnes is hired by Tony Stark himself to work security for Stark Industries. Then, when Obadiah Stane keeps delegating Barnes back to a desk, Tony establishes his own private security firm with Barnes as the boss.Suddenly Bucky eats, sleeps, and breathes everythingTony Stark, so it isn't much of a surprise when they also start having sex. Or when Bucky starts falling for him. Unfortunately, Tony is an emotionally unstable being who pulls away as soon as things get real.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark
Series: The Middle is a Sacrifice [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1542631
Comments: 17
Kudos: 145





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I want to make this super clear right at the beginning: **THIS IS A PREQUEL FIC.**
> 
> A few months back I started writing a story with the idea of 'what if Bucky was in Happy's role, during IM1', and I got a couple chapters into it before I realized that Bucky was harboring some super serious feelings for Tony... which made me want to write their past story. That is this fic!
> 
> I want to do some edits on the sequel/main fic, and get at least one more chapter written, before I post it. So if you like this, please make sure to subscribe to the series. This prequel does not have a happy Tony/Bucky ending, but the main story will. So please be patient as Bucky deals with all of his fucking feelings and emotional issues.

The James Barnes that came back from Afghanistan was a different man than the one that left. He spent three months in Germany, at a U.S. military hospital. It was the evac point after the explosion in Afghanistan. He didn’t remember a lot of his stay there, but knew the ins-and-outs. A few surgeries. A few flatlines. A bunch of scars.

All-in-all, the doctors told him he was lucky to keep his arm. Shrapnel had hit his shoulder and splintered, affecting a few nerves and barely missing a main artery. They had fixed it after all of the surgeries, made it so that his arm still worked, but the ache was something he would ‘have to live with’ according to doctors.

Two years later, and he was still living with it. He couldn’t sleep on his left side — if he did he would deal with numb fingers for the entirety of the following day — and the rain made him reach for an aspirin bottle, but he had never refilled his opioid prescription. There were other soldiers, even ones in his own squad, that had already suffered that fate. 

Alcohol, drugs… he didn’t get revived on a hospital bed in fucking _Germany_ just to give his life to a few hours without pain.

“Barnes!”

He straightened to attention at the sound of his name. Once a soldier, always a soldier… “Yes, sir?”

Justin Hammer, his boss of about four months, gave him the same smarmy smile that he usually wore when he was around Bucky. “We’re going to the Cove. Smith and Reines are on point, I’d like you on detail.”

Bucky replied in the affirmative and fell into step behind his boss as they began the journey from Hammer’s large office, down to the car garage. 

In the dictionary beside the word ‘prick’ was a picture of Justin Hammer. The guy was a grade-A asshole, who had found out that Bucky was gay and decided that obviously meant Bucky was going to try and hit on him at some point. As if Bucky was that dumb, and all gay men were obviously going to throw themselves at Hammer. 

Personally, Bucky thought the guy was ugly-as-fuck, but it wasn’t like he could say that, in hopes that it would make his boss stop dragging him to gay bars. 

It usually made him wonder what type of men had worked for Hammer before, but it wasn’t something he had the nerve to ask any of his coworkers. They all seemed completely disinterested in Bucky’s presence, and he couldn’t blame them. It was a job, and he wasn’t there to make friends.

* * *

“You see that one over there? Shaggy hair? Nice shoulders? That’s my newest hire. James Barnes. Ex-military.”

“Mmm.” Tony stared into his drink, wondering for the millionth time why _Justin Hammer_ was invading his one safe space… his favorite gay bar. Justin was neither: gay, or single. But that apparently didn’t matter to the man. Or his wife.

“I keep coming here—” Tony’s ears perked up at that moment, because maybe if he figured out _why_ Justin was there, he could do something about it. Hammer continued, “Knowing the dude is going to slip and try to fuck me. They always do. Disgusting, really. At least you like females.”

_Wait._ Tony looked away from his whiskey and focused on the vermin of a man standing beside him. “You bring your security detail to a gay bar, because you think the dude wants to sleep with you?”

Justin blinked at Tony. “All… _gays_ want to sleep with me.”

It was like Justin Hammer had the exact cocktail of existence to create a headache. Tony rubbed his forehead before faking a smile. “Gotta go. Bedtime. Important deadlines to hit tomorrow. Meetings to have. Money to make.”

He walked away without listening to the weasel a moment longer. When he got to the dark haired man that Hammer had pointed at, he slowed to a stop. _Huh._ Dude was fucking hot. And _wayyyy_ out of Justin’s league. 

“Mr. Barnes?”

A startling blue gaze flashed over at him, before quickly sweeping the floor. He looked like the kind of guy who had already pinpointed every exit, and the bodies he would have to drop to get to them. He took a breath and finally acknowledged Tony. “Yes, sir?”

He was good, as far as Tony could tell without seeing him in action. Alert, discreet, and best of all, he had the imposing shape of a man who could do what needed to be done, and had done so before. Tony had his own guys, but he mostly left them out in the car… too annoyed about being followed to worry about his own safety. He held his hand out to Barnes. “Tony Stark.”

Another quick glance at Hammer, before… “I know. Is this a test? From Mr. Hammer?”

“What kind of test are you expecting?”

Tony didn’t think it was possible to see someone want to roll their eyes so badly without giving in. Barnes just shook the feeling off, though. “He seems to be testing my vigilance. Making sure I won’t give into… _urges._”

Tony rolled his own eyes for the man. “He seems to be the same fucking weasel he’s always been. Now, you have actual talent that deserves appreciation. So I’d like to hire you… right here, right now.” When Barnes opened his mouth to respond, Tony cut him off. “Whatever he’s paying you, I will triple. Please, do me the honor of making that idiot look even stupider.”

* * *

Two days later, Bucky started his new job at Stark Industries. It was definitely a nicer gig than whatever Hammer had been passing off as a _job_, but after Tony Stark’s abrupt hire, he was surprised that instead of working for the man himself… he got delegated to a desk job, watching cameras in the security room. 

The only member of management who he had spoken with was a man named Stane, who looked Bucky up and down and obviously hated him immediately. As Bucky filled in paperwork and signed non-disclosure forms, Stane all but pulled out a polygraph, obviously convinced that Bucky was a spy for Hammer… despite the fact that _Stark_ had been the one to find him and hire him.

Now he sat in his lonely hall closet of a security room and watched as people walked to and fro around the large facility. His trainer-slash-partner was an old man named Grimes who was ‘five months!’ from retirement and spent more time eating donuts and talking baseball than he did actually watching the cameras.

An hour past lunch and the old man was tipped back in his seat and snoring softly.

Bucky focused his attention back on the monitors, fidgeting with a few of the buttons until he pulled one of the videos up to the main screen. A tour group — one that was on the roster he had been given for the day’s schedule — was exiting the elevator and moving towards the research and development section of the building. 

He hit another toggle and zoomed into the group of visitors. According to Grimes, most of the people would be CEOs from investment companies and scientists from other factions of Stark Industries that would be there to gain more information on their own projects. Which made sense, yes.

What didn’t make sense was that one of Justin Hammer’s favorite scientists was among the group. A man that Hammer met with daily, who had apparently developed a vision problem in the forty-eight hours since Bucky had worked for Hammer. 

Bucky slapped Grimes awake, told him he was going on a round, and quickly slipped out of the small office with his badge securely attached to his shirt. 

It took him three minutes to hurry up the staircase and out onto the R&D floor. Once he made it to the back of the crowd, he noticed that Tony Stark himself was standing at the front of the group and talking shop. 

Bucky skimmed along the edges, bypassing the people that were obviously there for a less sinister reason. When he got to the front, he threw his arm around Eugene Buckner’s shoulders, squeezing just hard enough to keep the man from moving. While Stark continued explaining some of their current projects, Bucky steered Hammer’s man away from the group, back towards one of the empty offices he had passed along the way. 

Buckner was sweating by the time they were alone, forehead absolutely covered in perspiration. “Hello Mr. Buckner. How is Mr. Hammer?”

Eugene wiggled from one foot to another, growing more nervous by the second. “Fi-fine, sir.”

“Good, good. Can I have you raise your arms like so,” Bucky showed the move, and once Buckner had followed suit, Bucky continued. “I’m going to pat you down now, Mr. Buckner.”

While he began the pat down, Buckner started offering a bunch of harried excuses about why he was there. Bucky tuned out most of it, knowing for certain why the man was there and what he was supposed to be doing. Hammer was nothing if not predictable. 

Stepping back, Bucky held out his hand. “Glasses.”

“I--I—” 

“You and I both know you don’t need glasses, Mr. Buckner. Hand them over.”

The door to the office opened to Bucky’s left, and from the corner of his eyes he saw Stark stepping into the room and pulling the door shut behind him. “Is there a problem?”

Bucky looked over at his boss for a brief second, before putting his attention back on Buckner. “Mr. Buckner here was about to show me his new spy glasses. We’ve been discussing how badly he feels about arriving here to steal secrets on Justin Hammer’s behalf.”

“Oh, interesting.” Stark crossed his arms over his chest. “Every three months or so, one of my designs will be terribly copied by Hammer. I was wondering how that happened.”

Buckner started babbling again, but Bucky gave him a look that clearly said _shut. up._ He turned his attention back to his boss. “I’m guessing you want these,” he held the glasses out to Stark. “I’ll haul Mr. Buckner downstairs and call the authorities.”

Stark shook his head. “Don’t bother. Any prosecution we attempt will be thwarted by a gaggle of lawyers being overpaid to spout nonsense. Buckner here doesn’t seem like he’s very anxious to repeat this assignment. Probably only ended up here because he pissed Hammer off.”

Buckner dropped his head and Bucky finally paid attention long enough to hear the man’s words. “I asked for time off to see my dying mother. Mr. Hammer said I had to earn it with a special task.”

“And people say _I’m_ the asshole.” Stark stepped one foot forward and pointed a stern finger at Buckner’s chest. “Get a new job. Work six months somewhere that isn’t Hammer Tech, and send in a resume to SI. Maybe you’ll have a chance.”

* * *

A week later Bucky was back in the security office like nothing had changed, when the phone rang on the desk, startling Grimes awake. Grimes answered, said a few ‘yes sirs’ to the person on the line, before hanging up. He looked at Bucky. “Boss wants you upstairs for a meeting. You got ten minutes.”

Since Grimes didn’t specify _which_ boss, Bucky made his way upstairs expecting it to be Stane waiting for him. Instead, he was greeted by Stark’s assistant and lead past the fancy executive offices to another laboratory at the end of the hall. “I thought all research and development experiments were kept on one floor for safety reasons,” he observed.

“This is Tony’s private lab. Works off a different safety system that he designed.” Miss Potts seemed to be rolling her eyes about the entire thing, obviously in a constant state of exhaustion thanks to their boss’s antics and unpredictable behavior. “Tony doesn’t like people hanging out in his space.”

That… wasn’t surprising. In his boredom over the last two weeks, he had done a fair share of research about the man. Unpredictable was probably the nicest way to describe him.

Miss Potts showed him to the door before smiling and leaving him alone. Bucky frowned, raising his hand to knock… only to have the door swing open on it’s own. 

_“Welcome, Mr. Barnes,”_ a friendly voice spoke… from nowhere? 

What—

“JARVIS, don’t scare the new kid,” Stark called from across the room. He stood in the midst of holograph schematics, flicking between images while also working on a tablet in his hand. 

Bucky took a few steps forward, far enough for the door to shut automatically. “JARVIS?” he asked.

Stark waved a hand around his head distractedly. “AI system. Butler. Annoying asshole. Call it what you want.”

_“I’m afraid derogatory nicknames won’t make the equation correct, sir.”_

A few more holographs appeared, spreading into a larger view with a flick of Stark’s hand. Bucky watched silently, expecting Stark to begin speaking to him at any moment, about whatever had made him invite Bucky upstairs. Instead, Stark got lost in his work, talking only with JARVIS, whom he mumbled ideas and equations back and forth with. 

It was fascinating to watch — and frankly, Bucky found it far hotter than he should — so he quietly skirted the edge of the room before sitting down on a well-worn couch. Watching Stark work definitely beat having to sit and listen to Grimes snoring.

At some point he lost track of time, too intent on watching the designs being created to realize that the sky outside was dark. 

_”Sir,”_ JARVIS spoke up. _”Miss Potts says she is leaving for the day. She’s asked me to remind you to eat dinner. She also wants to know how your meeting with Mr. Barnes went.”_

Tony’s hands stopped midair and he frowned up at the ceiling. “Barnes? What meeting with Barnes? Who the hell is—”

_”The man who has patiently spent the last four hours watching you work, sir.”_ JARVIS made the holograms disappear and suddenly Tony was staring directly at Bucky.

Bucky was still sitting in the same spot on the couch, one knee folded so that his ankle rested on the opposite knee. He smirked _just a little_ and waved at Tony. “Hi.”

“You—” Tony continued to frown, pointing at Bucky, then looking back and forth between him and the door. “You were… _huh._” Tony reached up and scratched the back of his neck. “You’ve just sat there? For four hours?”

Bucky shrugged his shoulders. “I really enjoyed it, actually. Also…” He stood, stretched for a long moment, and then walked over to where Tony stood. “JARVIS, can you bring back the first two schematics for project 1402?” The screens were brought back in an instant and Bucky moved to them, enlarging both. They were two separate views of the same device, and Bucky circled a finger to highlight the failure zone on both. “This needs to be an eighth of an inch lower. It’s going to interfere here—” he pointed to the left, “and here, if it isn’t. That’s where your inconsistency is.”

Tony stepped closer, looking over what Bucky pointed out before, “J.”

_”Adjusting, sir.”_ Once the adjustment had been made, JARVIS spoke up once more, _”It seems Mr. Barnes is correct. I have run the calculations and everything now works cohesively.”_

Brown eyes flicked back over to Bucky, sizing him up as he continued to stand there in the middle of the holograms. “You’re a security guard.”

“I have a degree in engineering.”

“You’re a _security_ guard.”

He rolled his eyes. “I’m an Army Special Ops sniper, top of my class at Duke University. I can fly three types of aircraft, despite never being trained, and I’m fluent in three languages. I _work_ security because anyone who has served overseas and come home with discharge papers is seen as a mental health threat and can only get hired at about five different types of jobs. The most respectful of those five is _security guard_. So here I am, Mr. Stark.”

“J—”

_”Yes, sir?”_

“What is Mr. Barnes’ current position at Stark Industries?”

_”According to personnel records, Mr. Barnes is designated as a Class 1 guard, filling in as needed for vacations and time-off of other guards. Currently he’s assigned to the video control room, while Mr. Lewis is on paternity leave.”_

_Great._ His shitty post wasn’t even permanent! He was beginning to think that he should go back to working for that douchebag Hammer—

“Move him to my personal security detail. Get rid of Hawkins… that guy gives me the creeps.”

_”Very well, sir.”_

Stark looked back to Bucky, the corner of his lips coming up _just_ slightly. “Barnes… remind me of your first name?”

“James, sir.”

“_James._ Stop hanging out in the video room and start spending your days protecting my ass, okay?”

* * *

Working Stark's personal detail was a million times better than sitting beside Grimes in a tiny room for ten hours. Granted, there wasn't actually a lot of 'protecting' to be done. More often than not, Stark stayed in his lab fiddling with experiments. On those days, he ordered Bucky to take up a post inside of the room… on the couch he had sat on that first day. _'Your job is to keep people out of my lab,'_ he claimed. Bucky was no idiot, though. He knew that JARVIS did that perfectly well. Tony wanted someone there that he could go off on science tangents to… someone that would actually understand what he was saying. According to an email sent to his new fancy StarkPad from Pepper… Tony's productivity was up fifteen percent since Bucky received his new post. 

Having him there for a set schedule, also seemed to be reminding Tony that his body had needs like _eating_ and _sleeping._ If Bucky started packing up for the day, more often than not, it would cause Tony to start winding down as well.

Judging by the emails he received from Pepper… that was a feat no one else had successfully managed on more than one occasion.

The time spent with Tony was… amazing? Bucky got to use skills he thought he would never get the chance to, and when his shift ended, Tony usually asked him if he wanted to try a new restaurant. 

So they were working together. Eating together. Designing together.

It was probably just a matter of time before they started sleeping together.

* * *

“This is a bad idea,” Bucky felt the need to say. His head fell back, bumping against the wall. 

Tony ignored him, for the most part, as he continued kissing his way down Bucky’s neck. “Good idea,” came the mumbled response against his pulse point. “_Best_ idea.”

Well, Tony Stark _was_ a genius, so if anyone knew a good idea, it was probably him, right? 

They didn’t make it very far — in fact, Tony dropped to his knees and sucked Bucky off right there in the lab. Bucky held on for the ride, not at all shocked that Tony Stark had a _talent_ when it came to dick sucking. Unfortunately it had been a while since Bucky's partner was anything other than his own right hand, and he was coming way too quickly, choking on a gasp and thumping his head back against the wall.

Tony _fucking_ Stark was a _swallower._

When Tony stood back up, he wiped his mouth and smirked. "Thank God for employee medical checks. I'm all for safe sex, but sometimes I wanna suck a cock without stopping to think."

It was like… even turned on, Tony's brain never stopped. Bucky suddenly found the whole thing presented as a challenge. Could he render Tony Stark so completely turned on and sex drunk, that he couldn't think. Bucky's lips curled up in a half smile. He reached down, rubbing the outline of Tony's hard cock through his pants. "You got lube by that cot in the back?"

Tony raised his eyebrows. "Maybe."

"Good. Because I want this dick in my ass and I'm not sure I could wait."

* * *

Sixteen months. Days flew by in a haze of science, touching, and _Tony._

At some point Stane attempted to get Bucky removed… which was odd no matter which way Bucky looked at it. He was obviously qualified for the job, and Tony obviously liked him more than any of the other security personnel… so why separate them? 

_Unless_ Stane wanted Tony to be unhappy. Tony in a good mood was creative and developing fantastical ideas involving new energy and computer based security systems.

An unhappy Tony would bend to Stane’s will… going back to the drawing board on new weapons and faking the persona of a rich asshole. Bucky stayed outside of the lab on the unhappy days, standing guard right outside the door to allow Tony time to work through his emotions without interruption. Having conversations with JARVIS, whom Tony had programmed to have access to Bucky’s earpiece, in case of an emergency.

When Bucky showed up at work one day and found Stane waiting for him, telling him that he was going to be reassigned to lobby work — checking the entries of all visitors to the building — he didn’t _like_ it, but also didn’t have the ability to argue. He was in the lobby for about fifteen minutes, before JARVIS spoke up in his ear.

_”Sir requires your assistance in the lab. I have dispatched a replacement for your post, who will arrive in two minutes. Tony has asked that you use the south corridor elevator system, rather than the main ones, thus ensuring no run-ins with Mr. Stane.”_

Bucky glanced to the nearest camera in the ceiling and nodded his head, knowing that JARVIS would register that as his response. When he got to the lab, Tony was raging in a way that Bucky had never seen before. Upon spotting Bucky, Tony spun to face him and threw his arms into the air. “Why the fuck does he think it’s a problem for me to have a choice over my protection detail?”

“I—”

“I’m over it, Barnes. I am tired of him trying to control so many minute details of my life, like I’m still a fucking teenager. So as of right this moment, you are no longer employed by Stark Industries.”

Bucky frowned, because that _definitely_ wasn’t what he was expecting. “I’m not?”

A holo appeared, showing the paperwork involved with creating a new business, as well as a contract. Tony motioned at it. “From now on, my own personal security will be provided by the MG Stark Security Firm. JARVIS will handle all the paperwork and tax forms, and you’ll handle all of the hiring.”

He blanched. “Me?”

“Yeah. You don’t mind being the boss, right? It isn’t like you aren’t qualified for the position. Create a team of people you trust, and we will move forward from there. Maybe five? At most? Over the next few months. No rush. Until then I’ve got you, JARVIS, and Obie’s pets.”

A desk appeared in the workshop the next week, and from that desk, Bucky began researching his new team of security personnel, creating a budget and payroll guidelines, and spending way too much time on the damn computer. Ironically, he protected Tony _less_ after he took the new position. At least it felt like it.

That being said, suddenly his role was less of a ten hour work day at SI, and more of a ‘follow Tony around 24/7 and keep him safe’ thing. Suddenly he had a room at the Malibu house, and he took over the role of Tony’s driver just because it made sense, since he was going the same route. 

The lust of their first few months together had dwindled a bit, but there was still something there that they never put a name to, officially. 

It was the day that Bucky pushed Tony out of the way of a flying bullet, that Bucky realized exactly how strong his emotions were, in regards to his boss. Because he fell in love at some point, and that was going to be a problem. 

The shooting was at a press conference planned by Stane, releasing information about a new government contract and weapon development, on the steps of one of LA’s government buildings. They caught the shooter — a twenty-something kid who claimed he was paid to do it — and only one person got hurt, remarkably. 

“You’re an idiot,” Tony said, arms crossed over his chest.

Bucky sat on the hospital bed while the nurse wrapped a bandage around the graze on his left arm. “You’re just lucky I’m observant.”

“When I gave you this job, I didn’t _actually_ want you to take a bullet for me.”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “That is the very definition of a security guard, Tony. Now shut up and go get a coffee before you make this poor lady fuck up.”

Once Tony was gone, the nurse gently squeezed his hand. "I have a feeling you were putting on a brave face for your boss. Would you like some pain medication now?"

He smiled. She was sweet. He refused to fall into that pit, though. "Honestly? Just some ibuprofen would be fine. I don't tolerate the stronger stuff well."

* * *

Something about their dynamic changed after that. It was like Tony realized his own feelings and pulled away. They were still together _all the time_ but there was no more snuggling. No more blowjobs in the workshop. No more sex on the couch.

Tony started working more and more, taking fewer breaks and sleeping less. He also spent eighty percent of his time at SI, meaning that eventually Bucky would have to request backup from his first hire (Phil Coulson), just so he could go home and sleep.

On a Wednesday, three months after the shooting, a memo popped up on Bucky's phone from Pepper. There was a gala that night for Tony’s foundation, and she needed Bucky to make sure he remembered and attended. He calculated the timing needed for showering and dressing before arrival, before he glanced across the room to where Tony was trying to hide the fact that he was obviously dead tired. Bucky closed down his own computer, before standing. 

“JARVIS, please initiate protocol _’Goodnight Moon’_ immediately.”

_”Of course, sir.”_ JARVIS replied.

Almost immediately the screens around the room began a ‘save and shut down’ process. Tony, looking wide-eyed and shocked, stared at each of them before glaring and pointing at Bucky. “You can’t do that! I’m the boss!”

Bucky tapped his watch. “I have a running clock on my watch to keep track of how many hours since Tony last slept. Do you want to know what its at?”

“It’s a fucking Wednesday, Bucky! I always work long on Wednesday.”

Bucky laughed, shaking his head. “Tony, it’s 0800 on Friday. Now, JARVIS will be inaccessible to you for twelve hours, thanks to my handy-dandy sleep protocol, so we’re going to Malibu for a nap.”

Tony glared, moving over and trying to input something into the nearest computer. It remained blank, despite his efforts. “This isn’t fair!”

Bucky had driven the Audi Q7 that morning, when he came into the city from Malibu — Tony liked the flashy sports cars, but Bucky appreciated being in something more reliable and with a bigger body frame when he had to drive the freeways in Los Angeles, so he always gravitated towards the SUV. 

It had the added advantage of feeling less like a ‘chauffeur’ car, and always making Tony sit in the passenger seat, rather than the back.

Ten minutes into traffic, Tony was slumped against the center console, head resting on Bucky’s shoulder and soft snores sounding over the gentle music on the radio.

When they got to the house, Tony was awake again and looking grumpy. Bucky made his favorite grilled cheese sandwich, while shoving a glass of milk at him, rather than coffee. Once they had both ate, Bucky convinced Tony to begrudgingly head for a shower, since he had a bit of a smell. Tony was halfway down the hall, before he turned back. He grabbed Bucky's hand, and without saying a word, drug him along.

Five minutes later they were both naked beneath the many showerheads in the master bath, with Tony curled a bit around Bucky in a cuddle, while Bucky attempted to wash Tony's hair. 

He had forgotten that tired Tony equaled cuddly Tony. 

When shampooing had been completed, Bucky grabbed the sponge and added body wash, before slowly rubbing the suds along Tony's skin. Tony mumbled a soft moan, kissing every few seconds along a spot on Bucky's neck.

They were quiet for most of it, until Tony whispered a soft, "I miss you." 

_I love you,_ Bucky thought. He buried his nose in Tony's neck and let his soap slick hand wrap around Tony's soft cock. He bit his own tongue, worried about the type of words that would erupt if he gave them a chance. 

Tony's cock started to stir at the attention and _that_ he could handle. He moved back the slightest bit, guiding Tony to sit his bare ass down on the seat built into the wall. He dropped carefully to his knees between Tony's legs, catching his gaze as the water rained down over them. Tony reached a hand out, laying it gently on Bucky's cheek. Bucky turned his head, kissed his palm, and then leaned forward to suck his half-hard cock into his mouth.

If they could have nothing else, they could have a few more moments of pleasure.

* * *

Tony pulled Bucky down next to him on the bed, but Bucky remained awake, listening to Tony's soft snores.

He allowed himself an hour of laying there before he shifted away and got back up. He had things he needed to be doing, and Pepper would be pissed if he fell asleep and they both missed waking up for the gala.

He let Tony sleep for as long as possible, before asking JARVIS to begin wake up protocols. He also sent a memo to Tony's phone, reminding about the gala and the need for a tuxedo.

An hour later, when Tony walked back downstairs, he was dressed to the nines in one of his tuxedos and matching accessories. Bucky admired for a long moment, as he sipped the last of his glass of milk while leaning against the kitchen counter. He didn't take enough chances to just admire. But the morning had been so gentle and something in him felt a bit… hopeful?

Tony requested the town car for the ride in, and Bucky obliged, hiding a moment of disappointment when he went back to being a chauffeur with his client in the backseat. 

Appearance. It was all just… appearances.

For the party, Bucky spent the majority of the night walking the perimeter and keeping an eye on things outside. It only took two minutes of watching Tony drinking and flirting with women, before he decided he'd rather spend his evening outside. Three hours into the gathering, he was leaning against the car and flipping an old zippo lighter from his smoking days, when he noticed Tony and Pepper walking towards him. They were walking wrapped around each other, both loud and stumbling a bit. He had seen Tony drunk before — that wasn't new — but seeing Pepper tipsy was definitely new. He tucked his zippo away and opened the backdoor instinctively. Pepper was giggling at something Tony had whispered to her, as he guided her into the backseat. She didn't even spare a glance at Bucky.

Tony looked at Bucky and grinned. He raised a bottle that he had pulled from beneath his jacket… apparently having swiped it from the party. “You know that Hyatt on the beach? They like me there. Let’s go there. Okay, Buckaroo?" As Tony climbed into the car, he continued making obnoxious nicknames for Bucky's name, each one worse than the last, until Bucky finally shut the door on him.

* * *

He was a soldier.

He could do anything. 

He could survive anything. 

Because, he was a soldier.

Bucky stood outside room 453 of the Hyatt Regency at parade rest, face a mask of neutral emotion as he _did his fucking job._

Which at that moment, included listening to his boss having very loud and wild sex in the room behind him.

He was a god damn soldier. 

A soldier with a torn heart and an empty future.


	2. Chapter 2

He should have walked away. He should have said that enough was enough and just…

Walked. Away.

But apparently he was a glutton for punishment, because he stayed. He stayed as one drunken night together turned into random date nights turned into Pepper spending weekends at the house in Malibu.

Suddenly his focus shifted completely to hiring the perfect security staff… if only so that he knew Tony would be safe when he left.

It was two months after that night in the hotel when things really changed. He walked into the main house on a Saturday morning — he had taken to avoiding the main house on weekends, but had left his tablet in the kitchen, like a fool — when he stopped short at the sound of voices.

"You're sure?"

"I had the appointment yesterday, Tony. The doctor already confirmed it."

"Shit."

"This is going to be a media disaster if we don't get ahead of it. We need to make a decision now."

"I don't… I mean… it's your choice, Pep. I'm not going to stop you from… you know. If that's what you want. The fact that I've always wanted kids shouldn't really factor into it, when my life wouldn't change nearly as much as yours."

"Tony."

"I'm going to be here either way, Pepper. You know I love you. I wouldn't leave you with something like this on your own…"

Bucky turned, walking away without even remembering why he had walked in to begin with.

* * *

He typed out his resignation the next day. 

The idea of moving on was enough to have him sick with heartache, but what choice did he have? He couldn't keep torturing himself. Expecting everything to suddenly turn around in his favor.

He would leave LA. It would be the only reasonable explanation that wouldn't keep him in a constant state of pain. Maybe go back to New York.

"Hey, we're going to New York."

Bucky flinched, eyes still on his screen as Tony moved into Bucky's office and collapsed in the chair across from him. Tony had closed the office door, so that they were alone and no one could interrupt. "We are?" Bucky managed.

"Pepper is pregnant," Tony said, and it wasn't hard to hear the excitement laced in his words. "We weren't… this wasn't something planned, but it's happening now. Anyway, she doesn't want to deal with any media issues, so she's somehow magically putting together a wedding and making it seem like we've been engaged and planning this for months. But she wants the wedding in New York."

His heart continued to do that thing in his chest where it felt like everything was squeezing too tight… “Tony…” his voice even sounded broken. “I can’t keep doing this.”

He refused to look up. Refused to see what Tony’s face looked like in that moment.

“Please don’t leave me,” Tony whispered. “I know none of this is fair, but… you’ve become the only constant in my life, Bucky. I’m not sure I could handle losing you too. I know I fucked up by letting our relationship develop, but I promise to stop pushing that. We'll be a completely platonic working relationship from now on… I swear."

Bucky rubbed the spot between his eyes, because despite everything… Tony still didn't get it. "I—" whatever he was going to say was cut off by the ringing of his desk phone. He answered, just for the distraction. "This is Barnes."

"It's Coulson. I've got someone named Adeline Dugan in the lobby. She says she's here to see you."

Bucky typed a command onto his screen and JARVIS quickly brought up the camera showing Coulson at the front desk on the phone. Across from him was a woman with curly blonde hair, her hand resting protectively over a swollen stomach. "Can you escort her to my office personally? Don't… don't let any of Stane's men do it."

"We'll be there in five."

Bucky hung up and watched as Coulson did the same, before grabbing a visitor badge and carrying it over to Adeline. 

"Who is she?" 

Bucky looked up, remembering in a rush that he wasn't alone in the office. "Wife of my best marksman."

Tony was still there a few minutes later when there was a knock and Coulson showed Adeline into the office. Bucky moved to her without question, wrapping his arms around her in a tight hug. "Addy, you aren't supposed to be traveling, this close to the due date."

"I know," she whispered, "but there was no other option. I knew you were here because of that job offer you sent Timmy. We need help, Buck." She looked on the verge of tears, as Bucky steered her towards a chair. He kneeled down before her, squeezing her hand and encouraging her to continue. She wiped her eyes. "Timmy got in some trouble last week. You know that man can't control himself when whiskey is on the table. He got drunk and got into a fight with some of the locals."

_"Shit."_

"One of the assholes had a knife, and when he went after Tim with it, Timmy dodged and the guy ended up stabbing his buddy instead." She clenched and unclenched her hand a couple of times. “Guy that got stabbed died yesterday in the hospital. All of the others are accusing Timmy of being the one with the knife.”

“Oh Dum Dum…”

“They’re charging him with murder, and the idiot public defender they assigned him said they might be able to cop a plea for manslaughter and get him fifteen years, instead of life.”

From behind Bucky, Tony spoke, causing Bucky to turn around and see that the man had pulled out his cellphone at some point. “Ms. Hill, it’s Tony Stark. Would you remind your boss that he owes me a favor and request he gets over to SI as quickly as possible? And don’t let that asshole spout shit about being on a case, because I saw him two days ago and he was celebrating finally having a break.”

When Tony ended the call, he noticed that he was being watched, and gave Adeline a gentle wave. “Mrs. Dugan, I’ve just made a call to my personal lawyer. We’ll get him down here and he’ll take some information from you and we’ll get this taken care of, alright?”

Adeline brought her hand to her mouth and shook her head as more tears fell. “I can’t— Mr. Stark, that’s very nice of you, but we can’t afford a lawyer. It’s all we can do to get things ready for the baby. Timmy hasn’t been the same since he got back, and we only get so much from his pension.” She gasped, pained eyes turning to Bucky. “Shit, Bucky, they’ll take that too—”

“They aren’t taking anything from you, Addy,” Bucky whispered.

“Not if I have anything to say about it,” Tony cut in. “I’ll handle the lawyer expenses. We also have a fund for expectant employees, that I’m sure has some extra dollars in it… so maybe my um… _fiancée_ can get with you while you’re here and help you order some baby goodies.”

She looked to Bucky, like she couldn’t believe anything she was hearing… which was a fair response. Most people weren’t used to the way Tony threw money around. Bucky wrapped her in his arms for a hug. “We’ll get you in to see the lawyer, and then I’ll find you a hotel room for the night, okay? No more worries. If you look too stressed, Miss Potts might send you for one of those prenatal massages.”

Tony snapped his fingers and pointed at Bucky as he walked to the door. “Excellent idea. JARVIS will ring you when Fury gets here.”

* * *

Dum Dum was out of jail the next day, and Bucky filed away his resignation letter in a folder that he wouldn’t see too often. Then he packed his bags and followed the Stark entourage to New York like the good little soldier that he was.

One month to the day after that damn conversation that he walked in on in Tony’s kitchen… and somehow he was standing guard outside of the ballroom at The Plaza Hotel, making sure that none of the guests arriving were actually paparazzi in disguise. Well… JARVIS was doing that bit (thanks to a fancy pair of glasses that Tony had him and Coulson wearing)... Bucky was mostly just avoiding the pain radiating throughout his body.

Tony had wanted him inside. Preferably as one of the groomsmen. But Stane had thrown a bitchfit when he heard that plan and put it in Pepper’s head that having _staff_ as wedding participants would be a red flag to the media. So Bucky got door duty, where he would never even see the heartbreak of the century happening.

It was probably for the best. Did he really want to stand there, five feet away from the man he loved promising his heart to another?

What he really wanted to do was get drunk, but again… that was a pit of bad decisions that he wasn’t ready to fall into. So he kept his post through the ceremony and then skirted the room trying to look inconspicuous throughout the reception. His attention kept getting drawn back to one of the groomsmen, a small spunky dude that seemed to be getting increasingly annoyed at his date.

From the shadows, Bucky tapped his earpiece. "J?"

JARVIS spoke immediately. _"That is Steven Rogers, the new Mrs. Stark's adopted brother. His companion is Ryan Smith, a student at New York University and one of Mr. Rogers' classmates."_

He only flinched a little at the sound of Pepper's new name in his ear. He thanked JARVIS for the intel and continued to monitor the situation. He didn't expect Rogers to make a scene at his sister's wedding, but the boyfriend was a mystery. 

He maybe lost track of the two, though, when first dances and cake eating were suddenly happening and hey _someone_ had to walk the building parameter that hour. 

At the end of the night, he monitored the guests as they left, wanting to make sure no one had gotten drunk and was going to cause a scene. When Coulson and his other guys took over and his shift "officially" ended, Bucky walked straight over to where the bar was still set up in the corner.

The bartender, who was cleaning glasses and keeping an eye on someone at the other end of the bar, raised a questioning eyebrow to Bucky. Bucky sighed. "Jack and Coke, please. And I only want one. Don't let me convince you to make more."

The bartender was an older woman who seemed to understand the look in his eyes. She nodded, fixed him his drink, and placed it on the bar in front of him. "No worries, dear. I've got five minutes until I'm not allowed to serve anymore. No convincing to be done."

He tucked a ten dollar bill into her tip jar and nodded. "Thanks."

He was halfway through the drink, turned around with his back against the bar so he could watch the staff start clean up, when suddenly he was joined by whoever had been sitting at the other end and drinking. 

_Steven Rogers,_ his brain supplied. Bucky glanced around for the date, but the man was gone.

"You know," Steven said, tipping back the last drops of his glass. "There are other means of drowning our sorrows."

Bucky wanted to argue that he had no sorrows to drown… but he was pretty sure his feelings had been written on his face all fucking day. He should have quit. Should have walked away.

But the Dugan family was back together because of Tony Stark. And Dum Dum had a new job working for one of Tony's partner companies. Not to mention the shipment of baby items that had been sent their way. The Dugans were eternally grateful, and Bucky just felt… _obligated_ to stick around. He owed Tony that much. 

His own fucking feelings weren't a good enough reason to go running for the hills. He just needed to accept that for Tony it had only ever been a casual thing. 

He blinked, finished his drink in a swallow, and turned to look at Steven. "What do you have in mind?"

* * *

Whatever Rogers was lacking in stature, he made up for in pure sex drive. Dude was like a horny octopus… all wild limbs and bruising lips. When he asked if he could fuck Bucky, a flash of _something_ sparked in his eyes at the answering yes. Bucky liked getting fucked, and he had a feeling Rogers didn't get too many guys who didn't treat him like a female, because of his size.

It was good… great, even, but it didn't erase the pain in Bucky's chest. So at the end of it, he thanked Steve for the lay and slipped out to find his own room. He had the following day off, while the happily wedded couple enjoyed the first day of their honeymoon. There had been talks of going to an island for a real honeymoon, but Pepper had too many upcoming meetings to have an actual getaway. So after a day off, it would be back to the real world.

* * *

He had started to hate New York. Almost instantly. Honestly, he was surprised that he had ever lived there at all — even if it had been years ago when he was young. The place was too crowded. Too loud. Too dirty. Too… _everything._ He missed the beach and having an actual home that was more apartment than a hotel room. He appreciated Pepper’s attempts to find suitable accommodation for himself and his crew, but the fact that everything was last minute, and a large portion of the tower was undergoing renovations, meant that they were relegated to The Roosevelt, a block down. It was a nice hotel, Bucky wouldn’t deny that, but it was just that… _a hotel._

Bucky would give anything to have his own stove and kitchen to make a meal in. True, he wasn’t a great cook and his recipe list was shorter than most, but he had an extreme craving for mac and cheese out of a damn blue box. He didn’t want the fancy shit that most of midtown Manhattan wanted to sell him. 

Unfortunately, every time he worked up the nerve to ask about the trip back to Los Angeles, another R&D disaster was stealing Tony away. He hadn’t had a real conversation with the other man in months.

He was also getting used to the fact that suddenly his team had doubled in size and he was also handling Pepper’s security detail. Since the need had happened quickly, he had stolen a few guys from SI — all of whom he had a hard time trusting; which meant that he put either himself, or Coulson, with the other men at all times. And Pepper Potts had a schedule that even the President would probably whimper at the sight of.

Bucky was fucking _exhausted._

And he would blame that exhaustion on his own lack of observation, when suddenly he blinked and looked up and they were no longer driving in the city. Frowning, he glanced at the GPS, before pulling up the day’s itinerary on his phone. _’Meeting, Newburgh.’_ Newburgh? Seriously? While Riley continued driving, he turned back to look at Pepper in the backseat. “This wasn’t a typo, right? Newburgh?”

She didn’t even spare him a glance from the tablet that she was working on. “It’s correct. Private meeting. Full discretion.”

Shoulda traded Coulson and stayed in the fucking tower. He knew for a _fact_ that Pepper didn’t know about whatever it was that he and Tony had… but there was still an iciness flowing from her every time he had to talk to her. Maybe she just didn’t like him. The feeling was starting to become mutual. 

He bit back a disgruntled sound and turned back to watch the scenery as they drove to fucking _Newburgh._

* * *

The schedule allowed sixty minutes for whatever ‘secret’ meeting that Pepper had. Unfortunately said meeting was in a medical complex with ten different offices… and Pepper demanded that he and Riley remained in the car. 

He allowed her until minute seventy-two, before he told Riley to sit tight and got out to figure out just what the hell was going on. Sure, meetings had a tendency to go over, but secret meetings in Newburgh? Yeah, he wasn’t buying the bullshit that Pepper Potts-Stark was trying to sell.

Inside the main door was a wall listing all of the names and office numbers of the medical personnel treating in that particular building. He let his eyes roam over each one, before heading to the office marked number six on little more than a good hunch. When he got there, his hand was on the door to push it open, when something caught his attention out of the corner of his eye.

There, sitting about ten feet farther down the hallway, was Pepper on a waiting room bench. She was leaning forward, long red hair blocking her face from view, hand coming up every view minutes to wipe at her eyes, shoulders shaking. _Crying._

Damn it.

He moved over, sat down in the empty space beside her. "Do I need to punch someone?" He asked, voice gentle.

Pepper fell into him, causing him to open his arms in surprise and grasp her in a hug, as she began sobbing against him. It was weird to see such a strong woman breaking down; but at the same time, it was refreshing to see proof that she was indeed human.

It took a few minutes, but finally she began to pull herself back together, wiping at her eyes as she sat up. "I'm sorry, that was highly unprofessional."

"I've seen Tony after a thirty-six hour work binge… a few tears are much less scary."

She chuckled a bit before covering her face again. "Oh, Tony."

“Ma’am—” He hated having to keep formal with her, but he had gotten the distinct impression that Pepper preferred it, over any kind of friendly familiarity. “What’s wrong? Why are we here?”

Pepper took a deep breath and was quiet for a few long beats, obviously pondering whether it was a smart plan to tell him the truth or not. Finally she pulled her hands from her face and started to look more like herself. “I lost the baby a month ago. We were both devastated, but when we talked, I could tell that this was something Tony truly wanted. He was adamant that he didn’t just marry me for the baby, but he had gotten so excited for it… so we took a few trips to a fertility specialist.” She motioned down the hallway. “Today was supposed to be the implantation appointment. But apparently it won’t work.” Pepper wiped a few more tears. “Tony’s sperm count is too low. So now I have to go home and tell him—”

“That you need a donor.” _Do. Not. Do. Not. Do. Not. Do. Not._ “I’ll do it.”

“What?” Pepper looked up at him like he was crazy.

“I’ll do it. You need someone you can trust not to go spouting off to the media, right? Someone who is reliable and who won’t cause any issues in the future. Someone who won’t tell Tony the truth.” God, he was a fucking idiot. A self-destructing idiot. Maybe an alcohol addiction would have been safer than whatever ‘Tony Stark addiction’ he had. “We could do it today. Never tell Tony the truth. When we get back to SI, you can draw up some legal nonsense and I’ll sign it, showing that I won’t say anything or try to gain custody.”

“_James._”

“Tony deserves to be a father. I’ve seen how excited the idea made him. So let’s give him that. You and me.”

* * *

It took seven weeks to find out whether or not the implantation took; by that point Bucky had broken down and rented his own god damn apartment in Manhattan, because it seemed that they wouldn’t be leaving anytime soon. When the results came in, he received a simple text message on his phone. One word. _Positive._

Pepper made it clear that they would never _ever_ be able to tell Tony. If they did, the genius would jump to the first conclusion: that Pepper and Bucky had slept together at some point. But it was okay. He didn’t need to say a word. He saw that glimmer of happiness in Tony’s eyes and knew that it was all the payment he would ever need for a job well done.

He also knew that he would never be able to leave. It was no longer just owing Tony a debt for the way he had helped Bucky’s friend. No, suddenly it was about protecting his own offspring. Because being the child of Pepper Potts and Tony Stark meant that the kid was going to deal with a _lot_ of bullshit in the future. And probably a lot of threats against their safety. Bucky refused to let that happen.

So he just might be there for the rest of his life… protecting the ones that he loved.

* * *

Morgan was born on his first day off in a month. SI had been working to complete a merger before the end of the quarter and Tony spent every other week flying overseas to London, Bucky tagging along like an exhausted shadow.

When Sunday finally rolled around, Bucky collapsed onto his bed in a jetlagged lump. He was half asleep when a text message came through and caught his attention. It was from Coulson and as simple as the man always was. _Girl. Healthy. Morgan._

He fell back asleep, dreaming about his daughter in Tony's arms. Imagining the two of them together. Imagining that he was there, instead of Pepper.


End file.
